Insecure entrepreneur

I’ll start putting thought to virtual paper, and then I end up never getting it out there because I figure what I say doesn’t really matter. But here I go anyway…because I guess some of you find what I have to share at least a little interesting.

I teach yoga very very part time. I’ve transitioned to teaching students privately because it works better with my current “regular” job. The space I do sessions at offers cheap rent, is close to home, and I can store my yoga stuff there.

My yoga practice has literally saved me. Until I started practicing this particular type of yoga, I never wanted to teach. After experiencing the physical and mental benefits of a consistent practice, the choice to teach was a no brainer.

I live in an area saturated with yoga teachers and so many other types of healing modalities, some days I really wonder if there’s space for me in this capacity. I know what I have to offer is deeply healing and valuable, but I just don’t have the audience…yet.

The idea of even owning a business has been terrifying. Navigating the legalese, self marketing, figuring out pricing and my availability… it’s all so freaking uncomfortable and overwhelming, I honestly think of throwing in the towel. DH (Dear Hubs) is so supportive and encouraging, as a business owner himself, which I complete appreciate because not everyone is so fortunate.

My mentor carved out a nice living for herself here, teaching this same style of yoga in this same oversaturated market. She and her husband (also a business owner) designed such an awesome life together, where they had lunch together EVERYDAY as a family, each saw a small handful of clients a few days a week while the other watched the babes, so they didn’t have to pay for childcare, and they had time to hone their own practices in spiritual growth.

If they could do it, why can’t I? And not only that, I have the “luxury” of earning a six figures income as a health care professional. But is it really? A luxury?

Sometimes I wonder if my business would be bigger if I had a bigger sense of urgency. If I didn’t have my safety net. The paycheck and benefits are nice, but working night shift sure is difficult. So yea, I’m making way more money than my mentor, but at what cost? DH and I work opposite schedules and my metabolism is no doubt in need of repair.

It’s nice being a little cog in a giant wheel because I don’t have to think about much. My job description is in black and white, given to me by my employer, and I can’t take my work home with me. Yes, there are patients that I carry with me so to speak, but nothing like DH, checking his work emails or making product while he’s home.

Being my own boss…kinda sucks. No schedule to stick to, I have to come up with my own deadlines, create my own offerings, market my damn self. Ughhhh!

I don’t wannaaaaaaa!

Fast forward to my recent group class. It was small, like I like it. But a few people who said they’d come didn’t or cancelled at the last minute. I know everyone has stuff going on, but again, it makes me wonder if what I’m offering really has value.

I felt like I stumbled and my timing was off. I’m not used to teaching so many newbies at once, it kinda threw me off. I rushed in the end to finish, and when it was all said and done, I couldn’t help but second guess myself: “They must think I suck…I didn’t walk them through that pose enough…I overwhelmed them…” and on and on…

One of my students was a potential business lead. She’s the owner of a shop I’m hoping to offer sessions and classes at. I can’t help but worry…did I not impress her enough? Will this actually happen? Is this the connection I was waiting for?

I feel like I’ve been waiting for the right business opportunity to come along instead of breaking down doors to make something happen. Does that make me lazy or strategic? I hope it’s the latter.

I remember when I first decided to teach yoga, I told myself I’d build my business up slowly so that by the time I was ready to retire, I’d have a nice income waiting for me doing something that I truly love doing. With our financial independence goals, that shrunk my timeline from 20 or so years to 8-10 years. That’s still a decent amount of time to slowly build, but I think the comforting thing is know that it won’t matter if I make that income or not. I have the safety net of FI, so I don’t have to worry if I only make $100 a month or even if my business fails.

That sounds kinda horrible to say, but I mean that I don’t have to make business decisions from a place of survival. I can make and build relationships with the kind of clients I want to work with instead of saying yes to everyone. I can work as much or as little as I want, not because I have to in order to keep my four walls.

The end for now.

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